The walrus is sharpening his tusk with a nail file. The tooth-dust is blowing into peoples’ eyes as they stand in line for hotdogs and nachos. His girlfriend whispers that he is making them angry. The gelatinous walrus is at his college’s basketball game. He is critical of everyone. Most of the people in line are obese. Most of them have a very poor sense of fashion. They are all sloppy eaters with mustard stains on the fronts of their college sweatshirts.
The walrus’ friends are late. They are always late. He continues to be their friend because they are not obese, do not have a poor sense of fashion, and are reasonably polite when eating. They also do not employ the local vernacular and have slightly better-than-average taste in music and film. They are not members of Greek organizations and have admirable hobbies such as photography, graphic design, and film-making.
The walrus feels slightly superior to them, even though his only hobbies are bartending and maintaining superior dental hygiene. The gelatinous walrus buys economy-size boxes of teeth-whitening strips and attaches them to his tusks. He is careful to overlap each strip to ensure total coverage.
The gelatinous walrus buys some popcorn. His friends arrive. They all hug each other, and the gelatinous walrus makes a comment about the first half being almost over. While watching the game, his girlfriend is yelling at the referee. The gelatinous walrus is embarrassed. His girlfriend says “Call a travel, call a foul.” She does not make any sense.
They all leave the game, and one of the walrus’ friends corrects him about something. This friend has been correcting several of the things he has said that night. He has also corrected the walrus’ girlfriend several times that night. The gelatinous walrus wants to impale the friend with his tusk. He puts his whiskers in his mouth. They taste salty.
The walrus and his girlfriend leave the basketball game and drive back to the walrus’ apartment. He tries to kiss his girlfriend, but she gets in her car and drives back to her apartment. The gelatinous walrus puts on his teeth-whitening strips and lies down on his bed and thinks “Curacao, Cointreau, Midori, Murtado, Amoretto, Drambuie, Orangerie, Creme de menthe…”
